So, we've been 'allocated' our SW and we have met him and he's going to be fine. I don't think we should judge SWs because they are, by definition, a strange breed. Loving, caring, supportive but also a little unhinged - well they've got to be haven't they? They deal with all this negativity and crap every day, dealing with people who shouldn't be allowed to keep children and, ultimately, removing them to prove the point. That's going to affect anyone I would think. Did I say we wouldn't judge him/them?!
The first assessment session took place yesterday with the SW visiting our home. All very simple, nothing too complicated but it didn't stop us cleaning the toilets (already clean, but worth doing just in case!), dusting the ornaments, hoovering and plumping up the cushions. We even bought five different varieties of cake and cranked up the authentic Italian coffee machine to make sure he would feel welcome.
We spent two hours discussing the process, learning more about what would be required over the next few months as we approach 'Panel' for approval. We were worried that this would happen quicker than we'd expected and so we were relieved when we were told that Panel wouldn't be until around April.
There will be 16-18 visits over the coming months, one a week, and we'll be met individually and together. Our referees will be interrogated and questioned, we'll undergo CRB checks and medicals and, ultimately, there will be a lengthy report written about who we are, what we do, how we do it and whether we're suitable to adopt a child.
Our SW is going to provide us with more information about one of the children we selected at the Argos for Children night, sorry Parents for Children night. We're keen to know more about her to see whether she really would be an interesting match. Our SW will also begin to look at children on the register, or coming on to the register, to find potential matches for us too.
There is a possibility that we could progress quicker if we're matched earlier but there's still quite a lot of work to do before we reach Panel.
Oh, and lest we forget, we're gay and that "obviously means" that some SWs may not see us as the ideal parents for the children they represent. Of course "that's wrong and shouldn't happen, but it does" we're reliably informed. Er, I think we'd guessed already that we won't be suitable for every child. We're settled and relaxed enough to accept that this may become a bit of a competition for favour amongst SWs representing children. We're on hand to make cakes, bake bread or create beautifully fluffy cappuccinos for anyone who visits...whether they're prejudiced or not. Bring them in, let's meet them and then they can decide themselves whether we're Hannibal Lecter in spandex or just a normal, settled couple who think they can provide a warm, loving, happy, rewarding life to a child who desperately needs it.
The choice, my friends, is yours...
Wednesday, 17 November 2010
Has it really been 5 months?!
Can't really believe it's been 5 months to the day since I last posted anything on here. Since then we've completed our Prep Training (all good), gone through a number of other training sessions and moved things forward
There have been issues along the way, mostly down to admin errors by the LA in relation to booking us on training sessions etc. but, overall, it's still a positive experience.
The past four months have been quiet with little happening besides the training and, to be honest, most of that is designed for foster carers or people who have already adopted. Interesting but not massively useful at this stage. I'm sure we'll remember some of the skills and theories when the time comes.
After such a long period of inactivity we were invited to attend a Parents For Children evening last week. Our LA is a pioneer in this type of event, designed to showcase children who are hard to place. Most of the children are older, in sibling groups or with specific issues that make them difficult to move on.
We were very nervous about attending, we'd spoken to people who had attended this event before (it's held twice a year) and they warned us that it can be very emotionally draining and distressing. Our overriding thought was that it seemed a bit like shopping at Argos - flick through the pages, choose the one you want and place your order and, if I'm honest, the reality is not too far removed from that!
We arrived early (top tip!) to make sure we got to look at the profiles in relative peace and quiet before everyone arrived for the film show (!). Adorning the walls and desktops of a sparce, emotionless conference room were hand-made posters featuring each of the dozen or so children. It was as if they'd been made at school with some help from their teacher complete with photos of the child and a brief synopsis of them, their birth family and some of their issues.
We were invited to complete an 'interest' form for those children that appealed to us. That seemed strange but I suppose there has to be a process. There were almost 50 prospective adopters at the event, all seemingly desperate to find the right child for them. The odds weren't looking great for TwoDadsToo!
Anyway, after a short presentation from the head of children's services at the LA it was on with the show. We sat, cinema style, watching two projection screens as DVDs of each child were introduced and presented. Basically they involved the child's SW coaxing the child to sing/dance/smile/be normal and to talk about themselves for two or three minutes. It was all very odd, particulary as we'd been given score sheets with the name of each child and a space for our own notes against each.
You'll be used to my sarcasm by now but it was, of course, a serious event and the message was clear. The LA have over 70 children to place and plenty more coming in to the system. They have to shift these kids and they want our help to do it. There was lots of feverish note-taking all around and even I wrote some - one of the children was recorded as "busy", another simply with the word "drama!". But, to our surprise, we both picked two children that had potential to fit our criteria and duly completed the 'please order me a...' forms for each.
We met one of the SWs at the event who had been "trying to contact us for ages" without success. It later turned out that he'd left one voicemail on our home phone complaining that he didn't have our mobile numbers, which they do, but he also later told us that his "admin skills are not the best". Lucky for us then that he proudly announced he was going to be in charge of our assessment! We're in for an interesting ride but more about that in the next post...
There have been issues along the way, mostly down to admin errors by the LA in relation to booking us on training sessions etc. but, overall, it's still a positive experience.
The past four months have been quiet with little happening besides the training and, to be honest, most of that is designed for foster carers or people who have already adopted. Interesting but not massively useful at this stage. I'm sure we'll remember some of the skills and theories when the time comes.
After such a long period of inactivity we were invited to attend a Parents For Children evening last week. Our LA is a pioneer in this type of event, designed to showcase children who are hard to place. Most of the children are older, in sibling groups or with specific issues that make them difficult to move on.
We were very nervous about attending, we'd spoken to people who had attended this event before (it's held twice a year) and they warned us that it can be very emotionally draining and distressing. Our overriding thought was that it seemed a bit like shopping at Argos - flick through the pages, choose the one you want and place your order and, if I'm honest, the reality is not too far removed from that!
We arrived early (top tip!) to make sure we got to look at the profiles in relative peace and quiet before everyone arrived for the film show (!). Adorning the walls and desktops of a sparce, emotionless conference room were hand-made posters featuring each of the dozen or so children. It was as if they'd been made at school with some help from their teacher complete with photos of the child and a brief synopsis of them, their birth family and some of their issues.
We were invited to complete an 'interest' form for those children that appealed to us. That seemed strange but I suppose there has to be a process. There were almost 50 prospective adopters at the event, all seemingly desperate to find the right child for them. The odds weren't looking great for TwoDadsToo!
Anyway, after a short presentation from the head of children's services at the LA it was on with the show. We sat, cinema style, watching two projection screens as DVDs of each child were introduced and presented. Basically they involved the child's SW coaxing the child to sing/dance/smile/be normal and to talk about themselves for two or three minutes. It was all very odd, particulary as we'd been given score sheets with the name of each child and a space for our own notes against each.
You'll be used to my sarcasm by now but it was, of course, a serious event and the message was clear. The LA have over 70 children to place and plenty more coming in to the system. They have to shift these kids and they want our help to do it. There was lots of feverish note-taking all around and even I wrote some - one of the children was recorded as "busy", another simply with the word "drama!". But, to our surprise, we both picked two children that had potential to fit our criteria and duly completed the 'please order me a...' forms for each.
We met one of the SWs at the event who had been "trying to contact us for ages" without success. It later turned out that he'd left one voicemail on our home phone complaining that he didn't have our mobile numbers, which they do, but he also later told us that his "admin skills are not the best". Lucky for us then that he proudly announced he was going to be in charge of our assessment! We're in for an interesting ride but more about that in the next post...
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