Ye of little faith, or should I say ME of little faith?! After a last minute dash to the line the report is complete. Who would have thought? Remembering that our SW 'lost' our applications forms and his child's stomach acid destroyed our meeting notes, nothing short of a herculean effort from all sides means the report was completed and submitted on time. Amazing.
Our final session with the SW was an interesting one - his manager had seen the report and corrected it with red pen. She's clearly one for grammatical detail, particularly surrounding the use of the comma, but we were reassured by the SW that he was "amazed there were so few mistakes" and that there were "normally lots more than that". Despite this he is "very good at writing reports" as it's "what he does and does well". Whatever.
I'm never sure whether SWs are just trying to make us feel better but he did say that we has a very strong application and, in his six years of writing assessments he's never seen such a strong case. Nice words, particularly if he means it.
He did add a cautionary note though - he feels we'll be inundated with child profiles and has urged us to think long and hard about each before making any decisions to proceed. He thinks we could easily select a child early on and miss out on a better option a little further down the line.
I suspect this is a problem for most couples post-approval. We've already discussed three children with him before approval so if that's anything to go by then there will be plenty of options. We're confident in our requirements though and will stick to our guns...until our hearts are melted by a particular profile.
Panel is set for 3rd May and we've "nothing to worry about". We're still nervous. Approval is a foregone conclusion and we know that. We've got to convince a panel of 12 people that we're well placed to adopt a child, a child that will thrive and develop and grow in our care. We know we can do that, but they don't know us.
The report reads well and there's nothing in there that we're worried about. Our SW has done a good selling job and it quite accurately portrays us and our life together.
From the very beginning we always said we would be totally open and honest about everything, there was no reason no to. Whatever decision the panel make will be the right one if it's based on the information that we've provided. If we're rejected then I may not feel the same way but there's been nothing to suggest we won't be approved and barring it all going belly up on the day we're quietly (is blogging quiet?) confident.
I'm rambling, I know. Must be the excitement, the fear, the trepidation, the known and the unknown. We're in a weird place right now where everything hangs in the balance. May 3rd can't come soon enough.
If nothing else happens before 3rd May then I hope the next post will be one of celebration and lots of exclamation marks.
Wish us luck...
Monday, 25 April 2011
Friday, 15 April 2011
Some people should not adopt!
There is nothing to say about this article but just be grateful they're not actually adopting!
Chaos, child vomit and lost paperwork
Unbef**kinglievable. Words can't express my anger and frustration but I'll try to enunciate.
Our social worker called on Tuesday and asked if he could come around on Wednesday evening. He then cancelled that and said he's come Thursday at 1930. Fine. Later than ever before, and a bit odd him coming in the evening. I should have known there was something wrong.
He said that he wanted to go through our Prospective Adopter Report and have a few questions to fill some gaps. Fine, there's a lot to go through when you're pulling two lives apart.
So, he turned up on time (tick) and we did the normal pleasantries - coffee and lemon drizzle cake - and then took our places on the sofas. All pretty normal so far. For no good reason I chose to sit in an armchair rather than the smaller sofa and I noticed the SW becoming agitated. Odd.
Then he says "Oh, erm, oh...er" and I ask him what's wrong. "Oh, it's just I wasn't expecting you to sit in that chair, you normally sit there on the other sofa." Yup...get me making decisions about where to sit in my own home. "Erm...and...er...it's just that I've got this huge hole in my trousers and I thought you wouldn't notice because you'd be sat where you normally sit". Seriously. Who needs to adopt when you have a SW who's enough of a child for all of us!
I duly moved back to my normal position and he settled down...to then tell us that he was "very, very sorry and feels very embarrassed" (more than the trouser hole - must be bad!) and that he'd "misplaced, not lost, misplaced some of our application forms and meeting notes". He "can't find" the 21 page application form with more than 100 questions about my life in it. He's "sure it's somewhere, probably in someone else's file" and has "definitely not lost it" and we must believe that he takes the security of our data very seriously...despite what he's just told us.
So, the upshot is that we have to spend three hours going over things we're previously talked about. We repeat dates, locations etc. for all house moves and school changes, we go over my employment history. All easy enough.
He's fortunately been able to type up many of his notes from his meetings with Max, it's just the majority of my stuff he's lost. Well, that's OK then. I try to reassure him that it's OK and that these things happen. He tells us we've still got one piece of info to give him and I tell him that us forgetting is the trade-off for him misplacing our forms.
He tells me "that's not the biggest trade off, but we'll get to that". Really? There's more?!
Yes there is. He's "very, very sorry and feels very embarrassed" (there's a theme developing) but most of the notes from my initial one-to-one meetings with him have "become damaged" and he only has fragments of them. Hmmm...how did they become damaged? "Well, this is very embarrassing and I'm very, very sorry, in fact I'm going to stop saying sorry, but my son got sick in my car and vomited on a pile of papers and they all became very soggy and I've had to throw them away".
Really? Really? You THREW AWAY the notes that you took in two meetings when I opened up my entire life to you? Threw. Them. Away.
We were both speechless. So he's got none of the answers to the 100 or so questions about my life, he's lost the family trees that we produced, the chronology forms that we completed and needs me to go over m life again to "fill the gaps"...and if we could do it by Monday morning that would be great because his report has to be completed for panel by Thursday in preparation for our meeting on 3rd May.
Apparently he's never missed a deadline yet. We got a different story from his colleague the other day and I'll be amazed if we make it. There seems like a lot to do.
The adoption system is not broken, it's people like this that slow things down and delay things. It's people like this that make people like us feel it's not worth the effort and that has a dramatic and negative impact on the children we're all trying to help. Shame on him for being this way.
On the plus side, we're apparently going to meet social workers for two children we've identified as potential matches although, at this stage, I find it hard to believe anything he says so we'll wait and see.
More soon...
Our social worker called on Tuesday and asked if he could come around on Wednesday evening. He then cancelled that and said he's come Thursday at 1930. Fine. Later than ever before, and a bit odd him coming in the evening. I should have known there was something wrong.
He said that he wanted to go through our Prospective Adopter Report and have a few questions to fill some gaps. Fine, there's a lot to go through when you're pulling two lives apart.
So, he turned up on time (tick) and we did the normal pleasantries - coffee and lemon drizzle cake - and then took our places on the sofas. All pretty normal so far. For no good reason I chose to sit in an armchair rather than the smaller sofa and I noticed the SW becoming agitated. Odd.
Then he says "Oh, erm, oh...er" and I ask him what's wrong. "Oh, it's just I wasn't expecting you to sit in that chair, you normally sit there on the other sofa." Yup...get me making decisions about where to sit in my own home. "Erm...and...er...it's just that I've got this huge hole in my trousers and I thought you wouldn't notice because you'd be sat where you normally sit". Seriously. Who needs to adopt when you have a SW who's enough of a child for all of us!
I duly moved back to my normal position and he settled down...to then tell us that he was "very, very sorry and feels very embarrassed" (more than the trouser hole - must be bad!) and that he'd "misplaced, not lost, misplaced some of our application forms and meeting notes". He "can't find" the 21 page application form with more than 100 questions about my life in it. He's "sure it's somewhere, probably in someone else's file" and has "definitely not lost it" and we must believe that he takes the security of our data very seriously...despite what he's just told us.
So, the upshot is that we have to spend three hours going over things we're previously talked about. We repeat dates, locations etc. for all house moves and school changes, we go over my employment history. All easy enough.
He's fortunately been able to type up many of his notes from his meetings with Max, it's just the majority of my stuff he's lost. Well, that's OK then. I try to reassure him that it's OK and that these things happen. He tells us we've still got one piece of info to give him and I tell him that us forgetting is the trade-off for him misplacing our forms.
He tells me "that's not the biggest trade off, but we'll get to that". Really? There's more?!
Yes there is. He's "very, very sorry and feels very embarrassed" (there's a theme developing) but most of the notes from my initial one-to-one meetings with him have "become damaged" and he only has fragments of them. Hmmm...how did they become damaged? "Well, this is very embarrassing and I'm very, very sorry, in fact I'm going to stop saying sorry, but my son got sick in my car and vomited on a pile of papers and they all became very soggy and I've had to throw them away".
Really? Really? You THREW AWAY the notes that you took in two meetings when I opened up my entire life to you? Threw. Them. Away.
We were both speechless. So he's got none of the answers to the 100 or so questions about my life, he's lost the family trees that we produced, the chronology forms that we completed and needs me to go over m life again to "fill the gaps"...and if we could do it by Monday morning that would be great because his report has to be completed for panel by Thursday in preparation for our meeting on 3rd May.
Apparently he's never missed a deadline yet. We got a different story from his colleague the other day and I'll be amazed if we make it. There seems like a lot to do.
The adoption system is not broken, it's people like this that slow things down and delay things. It's people like this that make people like us feel it's not worth the effort and that has a dramatic and negative impact on the children we're all trying to help. Shame on him for being this way.
On the plus side, we're apparently going to meet social workers for two children we've identified as potential matches although, at this stage, I find it hard to believe anything he says so we'll wait and see.
More soon...
Tuesday, 12 April 2011
Time for a second opinion
Just back from almost three weeks in South Africa and I'd almost forgotten that we had arranged for another social worker to come for our 'second opinion' meeting today at 3pm. We were a little nervous because we'd been unaware this meeting was part of the process - it is for everyone, we're not special!
Anyway, the social worker arrived and we had a nice chat. She's quite direct and many people think she's a bit scary but we actually really like her - she's got loads of experience and really wants to help...even if she looks like she wants to beat you to a pulp and steal the wheels off your car on the way out.
It was a little awkward to start with because she's not been involved in our assessment until now so she's only read the Prospective Adoptive Parent (PAP) report, which our social worker hasn't actually completed yet...even though he should have done.
We talked about our lifestyle, our family situation and standard stuff about boy vs girl, why we'd chosen the age range we have and whether we'd considered the impact on our life going forward.
She said there wasn't much to talk about, really, as there are no major issues with any part of our application and she's confident that it will go through Approval Panel with no problems.
She's confirmed that she will support the approval of our application to the Panel, which is great news and confirms everything that our main social worker has said so far.
He's coming again on Thursday evening with the PAP report and a few final questions before we go to Approval Panel on 3rd May. Not long now!!!
Anyway, the social worker arrived and we had a nice chat. She's quite direct and many people think she's a bit scary but we actually really like her - she's got loads of experience and really wants to help...even if she looks like she wants to beat you to a pulp and steal the wheels off your car on the way out.
It was a little awkward to start with because she's not been involved in our assessment until now so she's only read the Prospective Adoptive Parent (PAP) report, which our social worker hasn't actually completed yet...even though he should have done.
We talked about our lifestyle, our family situation and standard stuff about boy vs girl, why we'd chosen the age range we have and whether we'd considered the impact on our life going forward.
She said there wasn't much to talk about, really, as there are no major issues with any part of our application and she's confident that it will go through Approval Panel with no problems.
She's confirmed that she will support the approval of our application to the Panel, which is great news and confirms everything that our main social worker has said so far.
He's coming again on Thursday evening with the PAP report and a few final questions before we go to Approval Panel on 3rd May. Not long now!!!
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