Finally...a step forward

Well, after waiting four weeks since I called our LA to tell them that we wanted to proceed I finally decided that I'd give them a quick call to chase them, particularly as they have a standard that says they'll make an initial home visit within four weeks.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not expecting our LA to do what they say they will, there are plenty of horror stories in the blogs and on NFS to tell me that this won't happen, but I wanted to jog their memory...and I'm glad I did.

Because the initial enquiry was made in Max's name and I made the follow-up call they hadn't managed to tie the two names together, despite them both being on the form and on the letters they sent with the information pack so, effectively, nothing had happened in those four weeks and they'd just put the phone message to one side waiting for me to call again!

Despite this initial setback, the social worker I spoke to was very helpful, warm and friendly and, although she seemed to be a little thrown by the fact that we were a gay couple (the letter had Max down as Ms.!), she quickly regained herself and we had a long and interesting chat.

She said that they would write to us to confirm that we'd had the conversation and that the next step would be for a Social Worker to make an initial home visit.  She thought this could be within the next four weeks but wasn't absolutely sure.

They have an introductory evening on 13th March and the first preparation meeting is June, although there's already a waiting list for this and it's more likely that we'll be added to the September intake...but not guaranteed.  It just seems like so long to wait.

Anyway, the letter arrived on Wednesday morning, the day after the call, and when I got home from work there was a message on the answering machine from the same SW asking if she could come to visit.  I'd already told Max that she sounds quite young, was friendly etc., so we were delighted that she had been allocated to our case.

I called her back and we've arranged to have the first home visit on Monday 1st...the day before my birthday!  She wanted to bring a colleague but we couldn't sort the dates out so she's coming on her own, which we're pleased about, although it wouldn't have been a problem.  We know that we're going to meet loads of new faces, positive and negative, during the process.

So, whilst we wanted to get to the NFS event in Birmingham this weekend we're busy discussing more about what we want from the process, chatting through the possibility of a sibling group rather than just a single child, deciding what we can and can't cope with and generally spending time making sure we're both on the same page before the meeting on Monday.

The SW said she "needs to look around the house - is that OK?" and, of course, it's no problem but we both immediately thought OMG, we have some pieces of modern African art by a guy called Richard Scott, they're bold pieces showing naked women, but they're not graphic (or pornographic!) in any way, they're just talking pieces...and we both thought the same thing at the same time - we need to take them down before the SW comes on Monday!  We laughed about it and I said that we don't yet have a child, our house is not supposed to have a stair gate, catches on the cupboard and drawers and rubber edges on sharp pieces of furniture - we can make those adjustments when we have to, but we're a long way from that.  I think it's more important that the SW sees us for who we are, if we hide stuff for no reason then we're covering up and that's not the way to start a process where we have to bare all to strangers.

We're excited and nervous about Monday, it all feels a bit more 'real' now even though we've probably got two more years of this rollercoaster ride and we've not even got to any of the difficult stuff yet.

I'm sure the meeting will go well and I know they're trying to get us to the introductory event on 13th March, which we appreciate.  Fingers crossed...

Patience...patience...

Still nothing from our LA since we called them on 26th Jan.  Not sure how long this initial contact should take but I'm tempted to make a follow-up call next week just to make sure they haven't forgotten us. 

Joined New Family Social this week and trying to get to the AGM and new adopters presentation on 27th in Birmingham.  Will depend on schedules and whether Max is actually in the country for a change!  He's been away almost constantly since the new year and I don't expect that to change for the next few months.  Still, he's back tomorrow for one day and I don't think it will take me long to update him on progress!

Bedtime reading

Decided to get a copy of "The Pink Guide to Adoptions...for lesbians and gay men" as the BAAF recommend it.  For those who haven't read it, the book is split in to two sections: the first about the process and some of the things to be aware of; the second a collection of case studies and real-life stories from people who have been through the process.

It's not a blockbuster but, on the whole, it's an interesting read.  There's a lot of stuff in there about standing up for who you are, making sure they (social services) know that you're no different to anyone else etc., etc. and I'm not much for the militant angle.  Sure there's going to be prejudice, we live with it every day at work and in our personal lives.  There's no reason to expect the adoption process to be any different.  The overriding message coming from the case studies is, simply, be yourself.  It's the personality, not the sexuality, that people are interested in.  It's much easier to win people over with the former than the latter...unless you're in a Soho bar when it's normally the other way around!

Overall I've enjoyed reading the book and some of the stats are scary and exciting at the same time.  Only 80 odd gay adoptions in the UK last year, among 5,000 or so in total.  That ticks both boxes.

Still waiting to hear from the LA about the next step...keep watching the mailbox...but not surprised that it's slow in coming.  Patience...patience...