The meeting went very, very well. The SW was lovely, very relaxed and quite young. She turned up in jeans having spent the morning in play therapy with another family so we immedately warmed to her.
We spent some time talking about ourselves and our backgrounds, the type of child(ren) we were looking for and delved in to some interesting areas that made us really think. The whole disability issue is a difficult one. I've had experience of working with adults with disabilities and I enjoyed getting to know more about the world the way they see it BUT when it came to dealing with children I found it very hard. I can't really explain it, it's just the way it made me feel so, after a lot of disussion we went through a long list of disabilities, ticking and crossing as we went.
I've read that some people felt pressurised to say they would accept difficult to place children just so they would appeal more to the agency, but our SW made it very clear that it wasn't like that. It was important to be open, honest and frank about what we could and couldn't cope with.
It seemed weird sitting there mulling over autism and deciding whether we could cope with it in a child. We eventually said yes to sensory disabilities and mild forms of ADHD, Autism etc. but rules out severe physical disabilities after my previous experiences.
We were amazed to hear that, in our local authority, over 40% of all adoptions confirmed last year were to same sex couples. Our SW accepted that this was way above average but it made us feel very comfortable dealing with her and her wider team.
So, we've ended up agreeing that we would ideally like to adopt a child, or close sibling group, preferably a boy but happy with a girl too, aged between 4-7 years so that our child would fit easily in to our wider family with nieces/nephews etc. the same age.
Next step is the information evening but we can't get on that until May. They're going to try to get us on the preparation course starting in June but it's over-subscribed and the next isn't until September. However, they do have quite a few children in our target profile so they're going to try to make a plan...no promises, but they'll try.
The meeting ended very positively and our SW said she would have to go back to the office, reflect on what we'd discussed and then write a report to confirm or reject us as suitable applicants. Well, she's clearly a quick thinker and a much quicker typist that I am - she called within an hour of leaving us (it would take 40 mins back to her office!) to tell us that she thought we'd made excellent adoptive parents and that she was very pleased to accept us as applicants. We were both, of course, absolutely delighted. Even though we felt the meeting had gone well, we also knew not to count our chickens. It was an emotional day and a thoroughly positive way to start the process. The SW thinks we could be approved by this time next year if all goes well.
Because Max was born in Rhodesia (when it was Rhodesia), grew up in South Africa but is Italian by nationality, they think it might take a while to get reports etc. so they're going to start processing things earlier than normal. He'll also need early medical reports after being hijacked and shot whilst in SA almost 10 years ago; they just want to make sure that there's nothing problematic going forward. Apart from recurring nightmares there's nothing physical to worry about any more.
They also picked up on the fact that his former partner of 14 years was killed in a car accident three years ago and the SW said they'll want to speak to his family. That was very weird and a little uncomfortable for both of us, although it's no major problem. I'm sure the home visits will bring up some difficult memories but I guess it's all part of the process.
All we have to do now is keep Max's mother at bay and stop her from buying things!!!
